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This is for Joains and friends over at the Shatner BBS.  It doesn't really fit with the whole paintball tank bit so it's kind of hidden.  I think I got most of them.  I only went through the topics started by Joains so if anyone knows one I missed let me know.  I didn't think these should be lost when the board gets upgraded so here's what I could find.

I added 'Wildfire' by Peg.  Also pulled the hover buttons on the left, hoping that will prevent Nighthawks computer from locking up.  I'm not sure if they're the culprit but this page is now only text and a single picture.

As far as I can tell this is the first song.

We need a Song to Sing

Posted by Joains on 9-13-2002

 How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man
How many seas must the white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand
Yes, and how many times must the cannonballs fly
Before they are forever banned
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind
The answer is blowing in the wind

Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist
Before it washed to the sea
Yes, and how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free
Yes, and how many times can a man turn his head
And pretend that he just doesn't see
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind
The answer is blowing in the wind

Yes, and how many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky
Yes, and how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry
Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died
The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind

Yes, and how many UN mandates must be broken
Before he is stopped
and how many WMD's must he use
before his thoughts are known
and how many times do we ask
before everyone opens their eyes
The answer my friend was blowing in the wind
but now it is so hard to see
It is so hard to see....
That answer my friend......

Dave’s response

 I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing
===================================
I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love.
Grow apple trees and honey bees
And snow-white turtle doves.

That's the song I hear,
Let the world sing today
A song of peace that echoes on
And never goes away.

I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms
And keep it company

That's the song I hear....

I'd like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills
For peace throughout the land.

That's the song I hear....

~Dave

 

2 Ripped Shirts

Sung to the tune:
Torn Between Two Lovers

-Artist: Mary MacGregor
-peak Billboard position # 1 in 1976-77
-Words and Music by Peter Yarrow (of Peter, Paul , and Mary) and Phil Jarrel
-re-written by Joains

There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind
Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt
Before I say another word let me tell you I love you
Let me hold you close and say these words as gently as I can

There's been another one that I've needed and I've loved
But that doesn't mean I love you less
And both know you can't possess me and know you never will
There's just this empty place inside of me that only you both can fill

CHORUS
Torn between two ripped shirts, feelin' like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules
Torn between two ripped shirts, feelin' like a fool
one green, one gold , thankGod you don't wear blue
Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules

You mustn't think you've failed me just because there's someone else
You were the first real love I ever had
And all the things I ever said, I swear they still are true
For no one else can have the part of me I gave to you

CHORUS
Torn between two ripped shirts, feelin' like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules
Torn between two ripped shirts, feelin' like a fool
one green, one gold , thankGod you don't wear blue
Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules

I couldn't really blame you if you turned and walked away
But with everything I feel inside, I'm asking you to stay

CHORUS
Torn between two ripped shirts, feelin' like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules
Torn between two ripped shirts, feelin' like a fool
one green, one gold , thankGod you don't wear blue
Lovin' you both is breakin' all the rules

Torn between two ripped shirts
one gold, the other green
FADE
Feelin' like a fool
Lovin' both of you is breakin' all the rules

 

50 Ways

 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
Paul Simon
- words and music by Paul Simon
--adpated by Joains


The problem is all inside your head she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to rip his shirt

She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to rip his shirt
Fifty ways to rip your shirt Jim

You just rip out the back, Jim
Make a new plan, T'Stan
You don't need to be coy, McCoy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, K'lus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Dee
And get yourself free

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she showed me this BBS and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to rip his shirt
Fifty ways to rip Kirk's shirt

You just rip out the back, Jim
Make a new plan, K'Stan
You don't need to be coy, McCoy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, K'lus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Dee
And get yourself free

 

Addicted to Trek

 ...your addicted to Trek

Sung to the tune: ADDICTED TO LOVE
Robert Palmer and Joains

Your TV is on, but family not home
Your mind is not your own
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another away mission is what it takes

You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no doubt, you're in deep
Your throat is tight, you can't breathe
Another ripped shirt is all you need

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to trek

You see the signs, but you can't read
You're runnin' at a warp speed
Your heart beats in time warp time
Another mission and you'll be mine, a one track mind

You can't be saved
Oblivion is all you crave
If there's some left for you
You don't mind if you do

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to trek

Might as well face it, you're addicted to trek
Might as well face it, you're addicted to trek
Might as well face it, you're addicted to trek
Might as well face it, you're addicted to trek
Might as well face it, you're addicted to trek

------ lead guitar ------

Your TV is are on, but your family not home
Your will is not your own
You're heart sweats and teeth grind
Another episode and you'll be mine

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to trek

Might as well face it, you're addicted to trek
Might as well face it, you're addicted to trek
Might as well face it, you're addicted to trek
Might as well face it, you're addicted to trek
Might as well face it, you're addicted to trek

 

After Star Trek

 Sung to the tune: After Midnight
Eric Clapton and Joains

- Peak Position #18 on 11/14/70

After startrek, we're gonna let them all beam down
After startrek, we're gonna over-load a phaser and shout
We're gonna stimulate some action
We're gonna get some satisfaction
We're gonna find out what it is all about
After startrek, we're gonna all beam down

After startrek, we're gonna send you to the medical bay
After startrek, it's all gonna be ripped shirts and play
We're gonna cause talk and suspiction
We're gonna give an exhibition
We're gonna find out what it is all about
After startrek, we're all gonna beam down

After startrek, we're all gonna beam hang down

REPEAT SECOND VERSE

After startrek, we're all gonna beam down
After startrek, we're gonna let you beam down
After startrek, we're gonna let you beam down
After startrek, we're all gonna beam down

 

One for Vito

 Just for fun........


Don't Go Breaking My Heart or Toilet
Duet: Vito and his dream girl
Written by Ann Orson and Carte Blanche
and Joains


Don't go breaking my toilet
I couldn't if I tried
Honey if I get gas
Baby you're not that kind

Don't go breaking my toilet
You take the weight off me
Honey when you knock on my bathroom door
I gave you my reading material

Nobody knows it
When I was down
I was your clown
Nobody knows it
Right from the start
I gave you my restroom
I gave you my restroom

So don't go breaking my toilet
I won't go breaking your toilet
Don't go breaking my toilet

And nobody told us
`Cause nobody showed us
And now it's up to us babe
I think we can make it

So don't misunderstand me
You put the water in my bath
You put the paper on my roll
I've got your toilet in my sights

 

Bored Stiff

Sung to the tune of Born Free
by Roger Williams and Joains


Bored stiff, as stiff as 1950's high hair
As still as the dead grass grows
Bored stiff to follow your stomach

Bored stiff free and food surrounds you
The world still astounds you
Each time you look at a cheesecake

Bored stiff, where no refrigator can stop you
You're borede as the housefly
So there's no need to hide

Bored Stiff, and food is worth eating
But only worth a cheesburger
'cause you're bored stiff

 

Added later in the thread

 THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING
Nancy Sinatra

You keep saying you got something for me
Something you call love but confess
You've been a'messin' where you shouldn't 've been a'messin'
And now someone else is getting all your best
Well, these boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

You keep lyin' when you oughta be truthin'
You keep losing when you oughta not bet
You keep samin' when you oughta be a'changin'
What's right is right but you ain't been right yet
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

LEADBREAK

You keep playing where you shouldn't be playing
And you keep thinking that you'll never get burnt (HAH)
Well, I've just found me a brand new box of matches (YEAH)
And what he knows you ain't had time to learn
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you

SPOKEN

Are you ready, boots?
Start walkin'

 Also

 that should read spooky baby spooky

In the cool of the evenin' when ev'rything is gettin' kind of groovy
I call you up and ask you if you'd like to go with me and see a movie
First you say "No", you've got some plans for the night
And then you stop, and say, "All right"
Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you.

You always keep me guessin', I never seem to know what you are thinkin'
And if some fellow looks at you, it's for sure your little eye will be a-winkin'
I get confused, 'cause I don't know where I stand
And then you smile, and hold my hand
Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you
Spooky! Spooky! Yeah - yeah



If you decide someday to stop this little game that you are playin'
I'm gonna tell you all that my heart's been a-dyin' to be sayin'
Just like a ghost, you've been a-hauntin' my dreams
So I'll propose... on Halloween.
Baby, love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you

Ah, spooky, yeah-uh!

 

Borg Queen

 Sung to DANCING QUEEN
Abba and Joains

You can asimulate, you can recharge, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Borg Queen

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to go
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a Picard King
Rikker could not be that guy
Night is young and the music's high
With a bit of technology, everything is fine
You're in the mood for a alcove
And when you get the chance...

You are the Borg Queen, young and grey, only
drones are seen
Borg Queen, feel the beat from the warp core
You can inject nanites, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Borg Queen

You're a teaser, you turn 'em on
Leave them burning and then you're gone
Looking out for another, anyone will do
You're in the mood for a whole new race
And when you get the chance...

You are the Borg Queen, young and grey, only drones can be seen
Borg Queen, feel the heat from the cube
You can asimulate while having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Borg Queen

 

Cheering Dave up thread

 God Bless America
John Williams & Boston Pops Orchestra
Music & Lyrics : Irving Berlin - Arr. Glenn Osser
Notes : Written for the 1918 soldier revue
"Yip, Yip, Yaphank" but deleted from the show
and shelved until 1938 when it was recorded by Kate Smith

God bless America, land that I love
Stand beside her and guide her
Through the night with the light from above

From the mountains to the prairies
To the oceans white with foam
God bless America, my home sweet home

From the mountains to the prairies
To the oceans white with foam
God bless America, my home sweet home
God bless America, my home sweet home

Joains

 God save the King/Queen

Melody - Text & tune may date back to the 17th century

first publicly performed in London, 1745
1. God save our gracious Queen,
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen!
Send her victorious,
Happy and glorious,
Long to reign over us;
God save the Queen!

2. O Lord our God arise,
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall;
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
On Thee our hopes we fix,
God save us all!

3. Thy choicest gifts in store
On her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign;
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice,
God save the Queen!
4. Not in this land alone,
But be God's mercies known,
From shore to shore!
Lord make the nations see,
That men should brothers be,
And form one family,
The wide world over.

5. From every latent foe,
From the assassins blow,
God save the Queen!
O'er her thine arm extend,
For Britain's sake defend,
Our mother, prince, and friend,
God save the Queen!

6. Lord grant that Marshal Wade
May by thy mighty aid
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush,
And like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush.
God save the King!


Joains (EOE always)

CaptJTK

And since Bill is Canadian:

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide, O Canada,
We stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

Ô Canada!
Terre de nos aïeux,
Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!
Car ton bras sait porter l'épée,
Il sait porter la croix!
Ton histoire est une épopée
Des plus brillants exploits.
Et ta valeur, de foi trempée,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.

 Peg

 for Claudia:

"La Marseillaise"

Allons enfants de la patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé
Contre nous de la tyrannie
L'étendard sanglant est levé
Entendez vous dans les campagnes,
Mugir ces féroces soldats?
Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras
Egorger nos fils, nos compagnes!


Aux armes, citoyens!
Formez vos bataillons!
Marchons! Marchons!
Qu'un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons!

Amour sacré de la patrie,
Conduis, soutiens nos bras vengeurs!
Liberté, Liberté cherie,
Combats avec tes defenseurs!
Sous nos drapeaux, que la victoire
Accoure à tes males accents!
Que tes ennemis expirants
Voient ton triomphe et notre gloire!

Nous entrerons dans la carrière
Quand nos ainés n'y seront plus;
Nous y trouverons leur poussière
Et la trace de leurs vertus.
Bien moins jaloux de leur survivre
Que de partager leur cercueil,
Nous aurons le sublime orgueil
De les venger ou de les suivre!

 

CRAZY FOR SADDAM 

Patsy Cline
Written by Willie Nelson and Joains

Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so gulible
I'm crazy, crazy for feeling so UN blue
I knew you'd lie to me as long as you wanted
And then someday you'd lie to me for somebody else too

Worry, why do I let myself worry?
Wond'ring what in the world did I do?
Crazy for thinking that my inspectors could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying

And I'm crazy for lying for you
Crazy for thinking that my inspectors could hold you
I'm crazy for trying and crazy for crying
And I'm crazy for lying for you

 

Enterprise on my TV

Sung to the tune: SUNSHINE ON MY SHOULDERS
John Denver
Words by John Denver; Music by John Denver, Mike Taylor and Dick Kniss
Adapted for this BBS by Joains

Enterprise on my TV makes me happy
Enterprise in trouble can make me cry
Enterprise in the sky looks so lovely
Enterprise almost always makes me high

If I had a holideck that I could give you
I'd replicate the day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make you feel this way

Enterprise on my TV makes me happy
Enterprise in trouble can make me cry
Enterprise in the sky looks so lovely
Enterprise almost always makes me high

If they had a tale that they could tell you
I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
I'd make a wish for Enterprise all the while

Enterprise on my TV makes me happy
Enterprise in trouble can make me cry
Enterprise in the sky looks so lovely
Enterprise almost always makes me high

 

For Roxy and Astrogirl

If You Could Read My Mind
Gordon Lightfoot and Joains

Sung by the 'Captain'

If you could read my mind love,
what a tale my thoughts can't face.
Just like an old time movie
about a captain from outer space.
In a shuttle small or a starship strong
with chains upon my chest.
You know that captain is me
and I will never be set free
as long as I'm a captain that you can see.


If I could read your mind love,
what a tale your thoughts could tell.
Just like a paperback novel,
the kind that StarTrek sells.
When you reach the part where the heartaches
come the hero would be me.
Heroes never fail.
And you will read that book again
because the endings just to good to miss.


I walk away like a ensign
who gets burned in a nuetron star.
Enter number two, a borg queen
to play the scene of bringing all the good things out in me,
but for now love lets be real.


I never thought I could act this way
and I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went right
but the feelings strong and I have to let it take flight.

If you could read my mind love,
what a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie about a captain from outer space.
In a shuttle small or a starship strong
with no shirt upon my chest the story always ends.
And if you read between the lines
you'll know that I'm just trying to understand
the feeling that you left.

I never thought I could feel this way
and I got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went right
but the feelings strong
and I have to let it take flight.

 

He's Dead Jim

HELLO, DOLLY! or He's Dead Jim
Joains with Louis Armstrong
Words and Music by: Jerry Herman & Joains

He's dead Jim
Well, quite dead Jim
It's so nice to have the dead back where they belong
You're lookin' swell, Jim
I can tell, Dave
You're still glowin', you're still crowin'
You're still goin' strong
I feel my knees swayin'
While the band's playin'
One of your old favourite songs from way back when

So, take his Shirt, girls
Find him an empty lap, girls
Jim , he will never be dead again

He's dead, Jim
Well, I lied Jim
It's so nice to have shirtless like you belong
You're lookin' swell, Jim
I can still tell, Dave
You're still glowin', you're still rippin'
You're still goin' strong
I feel my lips hopin'
While the band's playin'
One of your old favourite songs from way back when

Golly, gee, girls
Find him a vacant knee, girls
put him in my lap girls
Jo will make sure he not cold girls
Jim'll never go away
Jim'll never go away
Jim'll never go away again

 

HONKY TONK CAPTAIN

The Rolling Stones
(Mick Jagger/Keith Richards/joains)

He met a gin-soaked, bar-room queen in Memphis
She tried to take him upstairs for a ride
She had to heave him right across shoulder
'Cause he just can't seem to drink you off my mind

It's the Honky Tonk Captain
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues

He laid a divorcée in New York City
He had to put up some kind of a fight
The lady then she covered him with roses
She blew his nose and then she blew his mind

It's the Honky Tonk Captain
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues
It's the Honky Tonk Captain
Gimme, gimme...
Alright!

It's the Honky Tonk Captain
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues
Yeah, it's the Honky Tonk Captain
Gimme, gimme...

 

I Can See Clearly Now

By Joains with Johnny Nash

I can see clearly now, the shirt is gone,
I can see all sighs he makes in my eyes
Gone are the tunic tops that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Shirtless day.

I think I can make it now, the shirts are gone
All of the gold colors have disappeared
Here is the smooth skin I’ve been prayin’ for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Shirtless day.

Look all around, there’s nothin’ but smooth skin
Look straight ahead, nothin’ but smooth skin

I can see clearly now, the shirt is gone,
I can see all slight sighs he makes my way
Gone are the gold tunics that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Shirtless day.

 

JIM KIRK EYES

 BETTE DAVIS EYES or JIM KIRK EYES
KIM CARNES AND JOAINS

His hair is dark brown, his lips sweet surprise
His hands are never cold, he's got Jim Kirk eyes

He'll turn the music on you, you won't have to think twice
He's pure as space snow, he got Jim Kirk eyes

And he'll tease you, he'll seize you
All the better just to please you
He's precocious, and he knows just
What it takes to make a pro blush
He got Mr. Spock's standoff sighs, he's got Jim Kirk eyes

He'll let you take him home, it works his appetite
He'll lay you on the throne, he got Jim Kirk eyes

He'll take caress you, roll you like you were dice
Until you come out true, he's got Jim Kirk eyes

He'll thrill you, when he grabs you
Hope you're pleased with the crumbs he throws you
He's ferocious and he knows just
What it takes to make a pro blush
All the klingons think he's a spy, he's got Jim Kirk eyes

And he'll please you, he'll ease you
All the better just to kiss you
He's precocious, and he knows just
What it takes to make a pro blush
All the klingons think he's a spy, he's got Bill's sparkling eyes...

 

Jims Kirk Sueinbrum and Bong

 done in jest only---laugh and don't take it serious please....

Sung to the tune:
Abraham, Martin, and John

-Artist: Dion from "WRKO Hall Of fame Golden Album"-Post 7101
-peak Billboard position # 4 in 1968
-Words and Music by Richard Holler
-adapted by Joains

Anybody here seen my old friend Jim's Kirk?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He debated lotta people but it seems the liberal they stop short
You know I just looked around and he's gone

Anybody here seen my old friend Bong?
Can you tell me where he's gone?
He questioned lotta people but it seems the questions die young
I just looked around and he's gone


Anybody here seen my old friend Sue?
Can you tell me where she's gone?
She taught lotta people but it seems the liberal
they all stop short
I just looked around and she's gone

Didn't you love the things that they stood for?
Didn't they try to find some good for you and me?
And we'll be free
Some day soon, it's gonna be one day

Anybody here seen my old friends?
Can you tell me where they have gone?
I think I saw Dave walkin' up over the hill
With Jim's Kirk, Sueinbrum, and Bong

 

Joains Lists

 The Top 10 Signs You've Watched Too Much Star Trek:

10) You send weekly love letters to the actress who played the Green
Skinned Orion Slave Girl in episode number 7.
9) You pull the legs off your hamster so you'll have a tribble.
8) You tried to join the Navy just so you could serve aboard the Enterprise.
7) Your wife left you because you wanted her to dress like a Klingon and
torture you for information.
6) You went to San Francisco to see if you might bump into Kirk and crew
while they were in the 20th Century looking for a whale.
5) Your college thesis was a Comparison of the Illustrious Careers of T.J.
Hooker and Captain Kirk.
4) You fly into a homicidal rage anytime people say "Star Trek? Isn't that
the one with Luke Skywalker?"
3) You have no life.
2) You recognize more than 4 references on this list.
1) You join NASA, hijack a shuttle, and head for the coordinates you
calculated for the planet Vulcan.

TOP TEN BUMPERSTICKERS ON THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE

10. "Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!"
9. "One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it"
8. "HONK if you've slept with Commander Riker!"
7. "Guns don't kill people...Class 2 Phasers do!"
6. "Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!"
5. "CAUTION...We have a trigger happy Klingon at tactical."
4. "If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?"